Good Wine

A letter to a famous wine reviewer

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Dear Jancis

I recently bought some white wine called “El Toqui”. I’m sure from your international tasting events you are familiar with it. As it happens, there was a special offer on, and I managed to secure two boxes ( so much larger than bottles, and more convenient too, Janis ) for the price of one.

The box was lavishly illustrated with pictures of grapes and even a small map of the world. Depicting the elixir’s esteemed origin, the favoured south-western slope of a government-subsidised industrial development area of Chile. A delicate text promised a nose of “Citrus, Pear and quince”, a palate “Fruity and Fleshy – with a fresh end”.

Well imagine my surprise Janet when, upon sampling the beverage, I was greeted first with a bouquet of urine-soaked straw, followed by the deep taste of Chilean cooking sherry expertly blended with low-octane leaded gasoline.

The finish was a lengthy affair, lingering, indeed almost lounging on the palate with strong, ambitious ( for the price, Janice, for the price ) notes of aged rabbit-hutch.

Well it wasn’t what I was expecting but against my expectations Francis, I can’t stop drinking it.

I can thoroughly recommend it.