Transforming the Aubergine

Hotly anticipated this, I am sure.

Unlike the aubergine.

That stuff about international politics and the world of business is all very well, but right here, right now, we get down to the proper content. The real deal. The re-habilitation of the aubergine.

Read on.

Pace yourself.


Not that any introduction is really necessary here, other than to say that in the developing world, this vegetable is also known as egg-plant. Don’t be confused by the nom de legume – it’s the same thing.

And what a thing it is :


Unfortunately, what normally happens to that lustrous purple plant is this :

sad aubergine

That’s correct. It becomes the pointless filler in someones wretched ragu.

Sometimes, it accompanies the meat in a curry sauce, with all the pride of an unloved mutt following it’s master to the kennels.

pathetic aubergine

No one ever bought a car and decided, hmm, yes, I’ll take it in metallic aubergine.

Sorry Vauxhall.

In the risible 80’s Bond Film (“risible 80’s Bond Film” is a tautology) A View to a Kill, our suave agent 007 meets his espionage counterpart in a Paris restaurant.

“Za key to zis mystery is there …” a Frenchman begins, while tucking into his food avec beaucoup de gusto. Only to be killed instantly by Grace Jones’ flying butterfly.

It sounds a lot more interesting than it is.

The name of this unfortunate contact, this purportless ingredient of no consequence whatosever ?

Why of course. Monsieur Aubergine…


He’s a pointless character. Like someone you knew at school, but have forgotten.

Aubergine, as with his namesake vegetable, has nothing to offer. The aubergine too is not fit for purpose. It’s incompetent.

Or so I thought.

Well what have we here ?


Yes, a common yakitori restaurant.  Japanese fast food.

The usual tasty fare :

raw chicken

Perfectly safe if your chicken is fresh, and your grill is hotter than the centre of the sun being held between the thighs of Megan Fox.

Otherwise … don’t try this at home…


Chicken on a stick. Wasabi. Plum sauce. Shiso. All good.

Really, really, good.

What could compare ?

Well, what’s that hiding next to the ginko nuts …

IMG_3899 (1)

That’s right, foodies, it’s only a stick of aubergine !

Lets zoom in. We have the technology:


Minutes ago, that was a purple vegetable of very limited culinary prospects.

A bit of salt, some sauce, grilled on the Megan Fox fire, and topped with onion…

… it is simply TRANSFORMED

From M. Aubergine :


To Mme Fox :

Mme Aubergine

Who’d you rather have round for dinner ? Right.

It’s Japan, remember.

Original home to not just yakitori, sashimi, undercooked chicken and raw horse, but also :


Those guys in the yakitori restaurant are not chefs.

Before they camouflage themselves in chef’s whites and hats, this is what they look like in the morning :

Optimus Chef

Ready to do battle to defeat the bland vegetable and restore it to glory.

Previously, in the vegetable class year book standing embarrassed next to the cauliflowers, this was the one voted Most Likely to Disappear into Life’s Ragu.

Etymologists will need no reminding that aubergine derives from the Arabic al-bādhinjān, meaning “very disappointing”.

It was a vegetable born to tragedy. Pity was its theme, pathos its expression. No one ever spooned that ragu into their salivating mouth, bit into the wilting aubergine, and remarked appreciatively “My, that’s good !

But now it’s all changed. Transformed.

The aubergine is dead.

King Aubergine

Long live the aubergine !


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